


Heart in his Throat

by Lolli_poppies



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Depression, Dialogue Light, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 18:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21498388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolli_poppies/pseuds/Lolli_poppies
Summary: Everything was normal. Everything felt okay. Still some creepy crawlies going around and still supernatural elements that have cemented themselves into their lives, but nothing was a real threat.Everything was okay.So why isn't he happy?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Heart in his Throat

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm back and in a new fandom..haha...
> 
> I'll keep this short. I fell into the hole of mbav and read so many fics for it but i saw none for sad ethan so i made it and its a thing now. As per usual with angst fics, i will not have an end note as it kills the atmosphere imo, so i hope you enjoy! :) ALSO, please tell my if you want more chapters, other than that, i will just leave it at one.
> 
> Trigger warning! If you are sensitive to talk of self harm (specifically cutting), anorexia, and bulimia, please proceed with caution.
> 
> Stay safe everyone :)

He couldn't control it, he couldn't help his urges. It was impossible to just let them fester deep inside without feeling like he was suffocating.

He needed to let it all out, and he let it out in different ways. Whether it was in a few slices to his thighs or a few days eating as little as he could or even letting himself get beat up (because that way it technically wasn't his fault). 

He had to do it. If he didn't he would explode from the disappointment he faced or the constant pressure everyone placed on him.

But he kept on smiling, and no one ever knew.

.

.

.

Ethan Morgan was just basically every other male teenager. He was just a bit special, we'll call it that. He lived the life of a supernatural hunter with being a seer, someone who can technically see the future, his best friend being a spellmaster, and three of his other friends (and another close acquaintance) being fucking  _ vampires _ .

So yeah, basically normal.

They were like the protectors of Whitechapel while also dealing with teenage stress, hormones, and school. Which is always a fun combo.

Everything seemed to go back to normal after the whole deal with the Lucifractor. Vice principal Stern was gone, no mortal was harmed and the vamps seemed to be okay, which was always a bonus.

People were still on the fence about Jesse, he popped up every now and then, and was technically in their group but didn't really want that label. Ethan always tried to tell them that he changed but the others had a right to be weary.

At least Ethan liked him.

But everything was normal. Everything felt okay. Still some creepy crawlies going around and still supernatural elements that have cemented themselves into their lives, but nothing was a real  _ threat _ .

Everything was okay.

So why isn't he happy?

.

.

.

Benny Weir may come off as an idiot, but he wasn't an idiot when it came to his best friend. They grew up together, they know each other like the back of one another's hands. If one of them was hiding something, the other would find out eventually.

Benny saw what his friend was doing, he noticed the changes in his behavior. How he wouldn't eat as much, how he tried to force conversations so he could get away without eating and no one noticing. How he would be in pain when his leg was a certain way.

He noticed the thinning frame in front of him. He noticed the faint scarring on his wrists from long ago.

Yet he would never say anything. The last thing he would do is say anything and make it worse. 

So he kept quiet. For his friends' sake.

.

.

.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't  _ breathe _ .

Everything was spinning and he couldn't think right. His mind was so clouded with his shortcomings and failures. How much he was disappointing everyone. 

_ How everyone would be better without him. _

It was all pent up and it was all too much he needed to  _ let it out let it out let it out. _

He found his hiding spot, the place where he kept his weapon of destruction. He shimmied his pants off of his person and looked at his thighs, both littered with cuts and scars. 

He held his breath.

And sliced.

.

.

.

Rory Keaner wasn't the brightest. He was just a girl chasing vampire who wanted some love. 

He's really only had Ethan and Benny as friends, and even then it sometimes felt like he was annoying to them. Well, moreso Benny than Ethan. Ethan does a good job at hiding it at least.

Rory isn't the best at reading mood shifts and emotions that well, and was usually goofy when the situation needed anything but. Yet he wasn't the worst at telling when one of his friends needed help. 

But how does he even begin to help? He isn't good at advice, he's more the receiver than the giver. He doesn't know how the other side works. He just wants to help his friend.

Yet he doesn't, he just sits and watch as one of the only friends' he has just waste away.

He just watches.

.

.

.

Sarah Fox was supposed to be nothing more than a babysitter for Ethan and his younger sister, Jane. Yet she ended up adopting three of her best dorks, and an everlasting friendship with a grumpy Erica. The time she spent with Ethan, Benny, Rory, and Erica were the best times of her life, if not just a complete rollercoaster. 

Everything was completely normal with them, everything seemed perfectly okay and that things always worked out. 

But then she takes a closer look, and she sees it. The deep, burning pain in him. The utter torment his mind puts him through. She notices it all and she can't stop thinking about it. What was happening to him? When did it start? When will it end? 

Will he be okay?

She wanted to ask him. She wanted to scream at him for hurting himself the way he was, but she refrained.

She stood as another onlooker to his whirlwind of pain.

.

.

.

He felt  _ disgusting _ .

_ Utterly revolting. _

He looked in the mirror, took notice of his front and side, his collarbone and hands, his thighs and how they didn't touch anymore. He looked at his face, how the chubbiness of his cheeks were basically gone and was just sharp jawline and cheekbones. His eyes looked sunken in, his skin a sickly pale.

But he didn't take it in. He only saw the areas that still needed work. His arms were still disgusting massive, and his thigh gap is going to be so short lived if he keeps eating like he has been.

He turned away from the mirror, trying desperately not to cry, and stepped on the scale he kept under his bed. The screen glowed to like and he waited anxiously for the number.

109.3

He could do better.

He stood in thought, until stepping off the scale and rushing to the bathroom. 

Making sure the door was closed and locked, he ran the faucet and grabbed the hidden spoon he kept in the bathroom. 

He leaned over the toilet, looking at his reflection in the porcelain.

_ And stuck the handle of the spoon in his mouth _ .

.

.

.

Erica Jones honestly didn't care much for the boys as much as Sarah did. All she wanted was a hot boy to take care of her, food wise.

She didn't usually meddle in the personal lives of the dorks, she shouldn't have to anyway. Hell, two of them try to flirt with her every chance they get. They're lucky she doesn't drain them dry.

Well, she can't with Rory, but it doesn't matter. The point stands.

She's okay with Ethan, he doesn't try to hit on her, which she finds refreshing, yet he still hangs around the nerds and is an overall nerd himself, so she tends to stay away. But even she couldn't ignore the switch in his moods.

He went from just a happy-go-lucky nerd trying his best to get a grip on his powers and bring happiness to those he could, to secluded, closed off with a forced kind of happiness she really didn't understand. She noticed his transformation into something dark she couldn't pinpoint.

The smell of blood hung around him at times, Erica wondered if it was his or not.

She never asked.

.

.

.

Out of all of them, Jesse knew him the least. All he was was a stupid seer, with a stupid friend, who stupidly trapped him in a fucking  _ box _ , and stupidly let him out, then stupidly (not really) asked him for help with the Lucifractor.

His entire existence radiated idiocy to Jesse. He had absolutely zero clue what Sarah saw in the nerd. Sure, he was charming and he tried his best to include who he could, and he was kind of attractive and he just has this way of bonding with people whether he knows it or not.

Really the only connections Jesse made with him was biting him, and communicating with each other shortly before meeting up with him. But it felt like enough to at least...appreciate the nerd.

Jesse remembers the night he bit him. He remembers the sweetness of his blood and his struggle. His blood is rare, and he's never had any like it before. He remembers its smell.

He smells blood on him all the time. But it isn't inside his body. It's his blood, but it got out somehow. Jesse didn't know.

What's happening to him?

.

.

.

"What's going on with you E?" Benny asked out of the blue one day. The two boys were at their lockers, getting ready to leave as Benny asked the question. 

Ethan looked over to his childhood friend and saw concern gazing from his emerald eyes, his eyebrows knitted in worry. He gave a small laugh, it was breathy and light, yet he didn't look him in the eyes

"I'm fine Benny."


End file.
